Posted on | July 22, 2013 | 1 Comment
Today I killed a man.
It was necessary. It was the time…
He asked for it… at one point he even begged… So I had to do it. He had nothing left, he became useless and there was no point in letting him continue on the path he saw no end of…
It wasn’t that easy, but once I started it became… natural, almost pleasant. It was like I was supposed to do this all my life and, regarding him, a long time ago. Why did I let him continue for so long? Eh, it doesn’t matter now. It’s done.
As I watched him releasing his ultimate fears, I saw in his eyes all the reasons I had to do this… The failures, the despair, the hate for all that he became and, at the same time, the hate for all that he was and could never change. I knew why he wanted to die… His time was up. He fulfilled all that he was supposed to do, he tried his best to do what was asked of him and, as always, all that came back to haunt, hurt and make him realize that it was all for nothing.
Personal evolution? Give me a break! Helping others? And for free? Who came up with that nonsense? It’s just a big fucking waste of time! It’s not… normal. Like it is to care about others… Family… hm… it it something of a given obligation to care but, in certain situations, the rules don’t apply. Because it is everybody for himself. And that’s it!
At one point I saw him smile… Because by dying he was sure that he gave up all the things he worked so damn hard to achieve and, in this way, he kept his promise to gave up and stop trying if his plans failed.
And they failed big times, leaving him with only regrets and desolation. So, what was the point?
After a while, it all ended. He was gone… The hopes, the dreams, the laughter… All the damn light, all that “good” some talk about and for which he fought, all was gone.
There was only one other thing to do… As I looked at him for the last time, I took a deep breath and grinned as my fist smashed the mirror.
Good bye, old me! You were weak and worthless and people took advantage of you. Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen again!
Join the darkness… It’s much more fun!